Fizzy Drinks and Starting Again

I discovered these hidden up high on the grocery shelf:

                                          

I still use club soda with orange juice. I find these are great when I need a little boost as I'm walking out the door. If I'm jones'ing for a soda, these are even better with some ice as it fizzes and pops. It's the little things.

Over the Holidays I knew I was going to gain weight. I knew I was going to drink some adult beverages. I thought one night in particular was going to be a heavy adult beverage night but it turned out not to be. Good deal!

My lovely in laws had a plethora of goodies. And half of them they insisted we take home with us because they are doing healthy business too and don't want the goodies hanging around. I had my hubby take some to work with him. Ran across one of the co-workers and she exclaimed "Oh, those are so good!" I said "I know! That's why I had to get them out of the house." heh.

 However, I underestimated my body's ability to conserve energy in the form of fat. I gained back all the seven pounds I had lost previously. I knew I'd gain. Didn't think it would be that much though. Right back where I started. Damn.

In an attempt to give myself no excuses and make sure I was comfortable doing max cardio I gave myself presents. New athletic shoes, some new loose fitted exercise pants, one new exercise shirt and a couple of new exercise DVD's. Biggest Loser Max Cardio kicked my butt yesterday. My thighs are sore and my back has cracked numerous times today. I promised youngest we would be going to the gym so I'm trying to decide if I will swim or do the arc trainer.

One bit of advice I've seen time and time again is to reward yourself in some way. That's a bit of a stickler for me because I don't know how to reward myself without eating a treat. I've found the reward I desire when I lose 30 pounds. Beautiful shoes! Every thirty pounds I lose I'm going to buy a pair of those high heeled shoes. Flirty, non sensible shoes. Oh, yeah. Sign me up for anything having to exercise. I want some shoes!

I need to find something for the five and fifteen marks. To keep the motivation going. Something for the final goal weight too.

For me, the Queen of Excuse

How To See A Rainbow

Read this, got to the end and my head nearly fell off from agreeing.

My favorite part: "...fall down, get up and repeat till the end?"

I don't see it as a question but as a statement. Because that's what it is. My problem is laying there like a useless slug wondering why in the world I would be stupid enough to try to get back up again. So easy to lay down, face in the dirt, watching the bugs do the busy work as they leave me behind to go to the mysterious places the busy body gets to go.

I have to sometimes talk myself back up because it's part of the fight. The fight of living and breathing and enjoying! How am I ever going to enjoy the journey if I see the path from the same perspective, face down in the dirt? I won't see the lovely flowers bloom, or the trees turn into golden colors or the the sun set and rise. I can find where the busy bodies are going, maybe off the path, maybe straight on. It's just all part of the fun.

I forget that sometimes. Now maybe I'll remember it quicker.

Or see a rainbow

Alternatives to soda

I stopped drinking diet soda years ago.

For four years we didn't have a washer/dryer. Every Sunday we would take all our laundry and go to my in-laws house to do it. That made for some loong days. Even worse if we missed a week.

Mom and dad always has soda in the fridge. I'd drink a couple of diet soda's there because you know, it's better for me. HA! I never bought any for home. I don't drink enough of it and we didn't have the space. The next day or sometimes even that night, my arm would start to ache. I thought maybe it was because I was lifting those clothes. There were a few times when we visited on holidays when I wasn't doing laundry but my arm would start to ache anyway. I had to think about it for a bit and finally put it together. Their house was the only place I ever drank diet soda.

I stopped drinking the diet and my arm ache didn't reappear.

I can't drink full on soda regularly because of insulin resistance, which my mom is convinced is now diabetes... NOT! I don't think I'd be getting along too well if it was full blown now. I totally avoid artificial sweetner because I tried the new stuff, got a rash on my arm, tried the old stuff, ended up with aches and decided it just was easier to avoid than to decide what caused the new symptom.

I also don't drink caffeine right now because of high blood pressure.

What the freak is left? Right?

I am exploring herbal teas and some decaffeinated teas. Lemonade isn't too bad when I need a little zing.  I still miss the fizz of the carbonation. I bought some club soda and mixed it with orange juice at the beginning. Lovely, lovely fizz that makes my brain think I'm drinking something naughty. Sometimes I'll just drink it straight. I haven't tried it with an herbal tea yet. It's a thought I just had so I might give it a go sometime.

Music Pacing

 Did one of the cardio machines. Drip, drip, drippity drip. I did sweat! I wonder if it's the amount of people, machines and room temp. I seem to get a lot more sweaty here than the old place I went.

My list of music turned out pretty good. I think I need to get rid of maybe one song, probably Mortal Kombat, It Has Begun, to tighten up the time. I skipped Fight Music For the Fight because I couldn't keep the pace anymore. The list kept me hopping and signaled cool down time like I wanted  when it got to Our Truth. 

I use the headphones not only for the beat time but also to keep the noise of other peoples pace down. If I zone out too much, I find myself falling in with the pace of the machines around me. Not great if the person next to me is in way better shape than myself and running a three minute mile. I'll kill myself! And not finish the workout. God bless the i-pod shuffle. 

Here's my first list, I plan on making some alternative lists for when I get sick of the same old, same old:

Disturbia 3:59 Rihanna

Whine Up (English Version) 3:26 Kat DeLuna

Monsters 4:04 Matchbook Romance

It Has Begun 2:52 Psykosonik

Dragula [Hot Rod Herman Remix] 4:37 Rob Zombie

Intergalactic 3:30 Beastie Boys

Fight Music for the Fight 2:33 Bromheads Jacket

Our Truth 4:03 Lacuna Coil

Don't Upset the Rhythm (Go Baby Go) 3:43 Noisettes


I really loved Go Baby Go as the last song. I might always keep that as my last song. I wanted to stop so badly those last couple of minutes. Having someone in my ears say Go Baby, Go! kept me going through the whole thirty minutes.

Ten days later

I exercised about three times this week at the 'Y.'

My weight is playing around with the same number. If I want to get it past that number I will have to make a better commitment to the exercising. I let myself get distracted and talk myself out of it. I am the excuse queen. The timing isn't right. I'll do it after I drop the kids off to school. Oh, I have other things I have to get done. I'll do it after I pick them up. Oh, they have homework, I'll do it after dinner. Oh, now I'm tired from making dinner and doing dishes, I'll do it at eight tonight. Wow, it's kind of late, they're going to close soon, I'll do it tomorrow morning. I'll get up earlier.... blah, blah, blah. 

I just have to do it. Period. 

Update!

All righty then.

Lost seven pounds so far. Bad day yesterday. Went out to eat. Ate onion rings and full on Sprite with a prime rib sandwich. Wanted to barf before bed. Ugh. It was too much for me. We went for a twenty minute walk after, I think that helped some.

Today for breakfast I ate oatmeal with walnuts, cinnamon and one spoon of sugar with vanilla. Super good! Feeling much better.

Joined the "Y" today. See how that works out.

Big eating challenge coming up this weekend. An open house party for a 90 year old. Sis and mom are coming down. I'm really going to have to concentrate on what or what I'm not eating because we can get to talking and not pay attention to what's going in our mouths. All three of us are guilty of it.

Sssstttreeessssss....ssst

Scrap the natural crap. Had to go to the docs today to get a form that says I'm allowed to lift so and so and walked out with a prescription for high blood pressure meds.

I'm am super pissed. I feel like I shot myself in the foot and walked around unaware of the wound. I obviously have too much stress in my life. My body and my heart can't take it anymore. I'm clearing out the stressors.

Starting with no alcohol or caffeine for three months. None, nada, zip, zilch. Crap, going to miss the caffeine.

Added, exercise in the morning. More specifically start with pedaling for a half hour on the stationary bike.

In the afternoon go for a walk for twenty minutes.

That's a good start, yes?

Motivation...

I'm doing it wrong. So I decided to make myself a couple of posters to help me get it right. Which do you like the most? Although the first one makes me laugh, the second one seems more true. Ummm, I would just really like to wear those shoes without my knee trying to give out on me. I have nothing over two inch heels right now.

Somethings Working

I had to step on the scale numerous times because I thought something might of been wrong with it. Problem is I don't know I lost three pounds in the last four days because of hormone fluctuations or if it happened from watching carb intake and eating more natural foods during that time. I'm hoping it's more of the later than the former because it means despite the hormonal I can still lose.

I'll give what I'm doing a month to see if it works more.

Pizza, Veggies and exercise buddies

Exercised twice this week. Yeah me!

Walking up and down the stairs then taking a turn on the exercise ball with crunches and push ups.

Walked a mile with husband.

We talked about how we could help each other in weight loss. He's about thirty pounds overweight. I told him that not eating out so much helps (which we are doing, eating out about once a week now) and I need an exercise buddy. Other than that, there's not much else he can do to help me. He's decided that he really wants to cut back on the soda which I'm pretty sure will mean he can loose 20 lbs right away, heh.

I will read the carbohydrates booklet my mom sent me. The food I've been eating is getting to be healthier fare but balance is extremely important to my diet. If I don't eat enough protein my body will grab onto any carbs I do eat, healthy or not. But if I don't eat enough good carbs, I have blood sugar problems. I'm not type two... yet. My goal is to get healthy habits to turn this motor around and avoid that.

I see some very positive things happening. The biggest improvement I've noticed is looking down the frozen isle. Pizza has been my life long friend. When I don't feel like cooking, let's get a pizza. If it's late and I can't think of what to make, let's get a frozen pizza.

Last week I thought I wanted to get one. I looked at all the brands and all the types and my first thought was "YUCK!" None of it looked good. I thought perhaps that meant I wasn't in the mood for pizza. The next week, same thing. I thought of dry crust, brown unappetizing toppings and heavy, lethargic feelings after eating. It lacked good color and I was totally turned off. I barely even see that isle anymore.

I am buying vegetables both frozen and fresh. I used to avoid it because they would always spoil and get thrown out. If I know that a vegetable has been in the fridge all week I'll try to make a point of using it as soon as possible. Sometimes I do forget stuff is in there, like the leaf lettuce I had to throw out yesterday.

I'm getting more comfortable with making them. I put them on the kids plates and they started eating them! Another milestone was when my oldest, who in the past declared himself unable to eat vegetables because the consistency grosses him out, said that he found he can eat them if they are mixed with other things. You could have knocked me over with a touch. Whoop!

To sum up: Hubby will be my exercise buddy.
Frozen pizza no longer on menu.
Vegetables are now a daily menu item.
Children are eating the vegetables!

Time Turns on a Moment

Yesterday was a holiday. I had a soda. I ate hamburgers, poke cake, cookies, orange salad and cookies. I said cookies twice on purpose, heh. When I got home I had a glass of water and went to bed satisfied. Not one iota of guilt passed through my mind because I know I won't be eating like that every day.

This morning my mom called. She's coming to town and would like to meet somewhere for "an ice cream," even if that means she has a salad and diet coke.  She struggles with weight issues also.

My relationship with my mom is complicated. I feel concern that the mental issues that lead to her gaining weight haven't been dealt with. Thinking back, I'm suspecting she might have deeper issues she's been hiding, such as abuse of laxatives or pain medication. I'm jealous because I know that lack of exercise demon still haunts me. She does exercise every day. I'm angry because I know some of my weight issues are from my rocky childhood. I'm happy because I know how hard it is to lose weight. It's always good to know that it's not impossible. I'm angry because I have that stupid PCOS which makes it that much harder to lose, 'specially when the store that carries the thing that was helping closes for a vacation just as I run out of the stuff! 

All this bubbles up in a flash when the thought of 'ice cream' comes up. Then I remind myself I'm an adult. I don't have to eat anything. I can drink tea. I have the freedom to choose.

Starting Again.

Twenty five minutes with Biggest Loser Video tape. I have done it in the past and really like the effect it has on my arms. I think the cool down and stretching is a little lacking though.

Closest I came to sugar yesterday was a granola bar. Yeah! No soda either. Getting back in the tea groove.

Other ways to treat

I had something to celebrate, last day of two weeks of a class for my oldest.

I really wanted to "celebrate" by buying a sweet treat. Instead, I bought myself two new inexpensive tank tops and I bought oldest something he wanted that was under three dollars. I had to make a conscious effort to do it. "How about we get an Icee!" just about popped out of my mouth.

I get the feeling this behavior has been a huge factor in being over weight.

Reward and consequence

I've heard, read that during the weight loss journey I should reward myself. But don't use food as a reward.

Totally foreign. I really don't know how to reward without food.

The dialogue from my past goes something like:

Ooo, good concert, let's go get pizza!

Finals are over! Let's get to the bar!

Fourth of July! Let's bar b q!

Camping, let's have a fish fry!

It's Thanksgiving, haven't seen you in years! What's on the table?

I have no idea how to celebrate without food being a part of it. Until today. While watching "Heavy" on A & E they talked about a young man who was always concerned with food and if there was enough of it.  That clicked in my brain. There wasn't enough of it in his house so it became special, necessary, comforting. It became his reward, his special thing to comfort.

Shoes, shoes are a reward. A nice dress, a new DVD, some new music... these are rewards. These are little treasures I should treat myself to, not food. Even now, I find myself fighting this concept. Food isn't a reward? What about making special things? What about cakes and cookies and Friday doughnuts? What about chips and cheese to share over a movie? What about popcorn and a giant soda at the theater? What about an Icee on a hot day? Or going to DQ? My goodness, it's positively ingrained in me. The realist wants to say there is no way to avoid food as a celebratory factor, such as birthdays, weddings, anniversaries, New Years, Thanksgiving, Christmas, Fourth of July, Labor Day, Memorial Day... it does go on, doesn't it? A seemingly never ending reason to celebrate.

I think I will pick and chose which days I will use food as a celebratory thing. I hadn't realized until now how many times I've used it to celebrate things. I even instigated a doughnut day for when my youngest went to preschool to help him understand when the last day of preschool was for him. What I should have been doing was taking him somewhere special to do something fun instead.

This started out to be a post to explain how I was going to treat myself to shoes for every ten pounds lost as a reward. A really expensive pair of boots when I hit my goal weight. Now I've realized what a disservice I've been doing for myself and my family by using food as a reward for practically everything I could. They aren't overweight yet, but if I don't change they will carry that same thinking with them into adult hood and use food for celebrating every little thing.

Bike

I rode for about fifteen minutes, a quick run around the neighborhood. But enough to make me drip when I got home, heh.

My dismount was... not pretty. I'm not sure what happened but I found myself almost doing the splits with the bike under me when I was trying to get off. I prefer my inner leg stretches to be voluntary, thank you very much. heh.

I could walk up the steps so I'm OK. Maybe a walk later.

Walking

Walked yesterday. It was humid. The braces I purchased to shore up the ankles didn't help as much by the time we got home. The hot/cold gel did, whew!

However,  I got a little silly and bought a giant container of cheese balls. Cheese balls kept popping up in conversation that just made them sound yummy. And they are. They are almost gone due to the diligence of everybody in the place, heh. Late night cheese ball goodness = early morning puffiness.

My goal for this week was to get two pounds off. Now it's three pounds.    : /

How MUCH!?

Little Ceasar's Pizza isn't too bad.

Calorie wise it's a nightmare. 1/8 slice of the ultimate supreme, which I ate today, is 310 calories (K) and 33 grams of carbohydrates.

I had three pieces. A lot over the top for the plan of around 50 grams of carbs per meal I've made for myself. That's around 40% of a 1600 K diet that I know works for me. The pizza was the first thing I had to eat today because poor oldest had to go to the doctor with food poisoning. He learned a lesson in checking dates, poor thing. Because of the visit I didn't eat until around 1:30 this afternoon. I was starving! For anyone reading, he's doing fine now. Sleepy, but fine.

I don't expect to loose anything today. My eating wasn't the best. I should expect to maintain. I'm telling myself this because I did really well yesterday and have to remind myself not to get disappointed. There is a reason for a stall.

I also took my bike out yesterday which helps in the exercise area. I lost about 1/4 of an inch, give or take. A shirt I wore two months ago was loose on me. Yeah!

I feel normal in my body most days. It moves the way I feel it should, it doesn't creak too much unless I'm stretching and it is doing what I'm asking of it... most of the time.

The days when it becomes obvious to me that my body is not all it can be are days when I ask it to do something and it can't quite perform. I went swimming on Sunday. I was fine until I got home. I was so tired I couldn't resist taking a nap. Caused by twenty minutes in the water and forty just hanging out in the heat. I was one of those kids that was at the pool for hours on end.

We went outside to fix the youngest bike so he can get to riding. The wind was blowing and it was 98. I went inside and developed a nice little headache.

The worst of the worst for me is when I see a picture of me at a time I know I was feeling normal. One of me at a sewing machine during a class another of me dancing with the an old friend who is a bass player at one of his gigs. OMG! I need to really lose some inches.

Today I started with more mindful eating. Now I'm going out to help that youngster with his bike.

Here I am!

The day count went down the hole. heh.  I decided the stuff I was taking for my metabolic syndrome / PCOS was obviously NOT doing it's intended job.  I did some major researching online, took about two weeks to get it all straight, and turned to more "natural" methods.

It's working. I've lost three inches and five pounds where I was doing everything to just maintain. I'm delighted that shirts I avoided wearing are fitting again and other shirts are too loose.

We splurged and went to McDonald's today. Yeah, at this point that's splurging for us, heh. I looked at my husband after not really enjoying any of it and said "Can you believe we used to eat like this all the time?" Because we did, two or three times a week. I didn't even finish my soda because I just didn't want it anymore.

I realized I had been avoiding walking because it kills my ankles. I bought some ankle braces and am amazed at the difference. Before I would walk a few blocks and one ankle would start screaming, another couple and the other would go. It was very discouraging. Now I can walk much further at a much better pace. That makes me super happy.

At the moment I'm trying to convince my husband that despite being in an apt. we have room to put our stationary bike that languishes in storage inside. With the way the weather is right now, it seems like a strong argument. I'm not going outside for exercising today, let me tell 'ya!

We will have a easily accessible pool available for the summer. I don't know how it's going to work out with that but look forward to maybe hitting the water in the morning. We'll see.

To sum up: Five pounds lost, three inches.
Walking easier, weather not.
Inside biking a possibility.
A pool opening up soon, yeah!

Day 3

Lost two pounds but didn't do any exercise today. My legs were in serious pain and it was time to give them a break.

Day 2

My legs are still sore from four minutes of steps. I soaked in a epson salt last night. Today was tired and unmotivated.

Went hiking with husband for 23 minutes.

Directly after had to get milk which was another five minutes.
Car wouldn't start so walked home from store, ten minutes.

Total: Walking for 38 minutes.

Going to soak again tonight. Legs still sore.

Day 1

Today I walked up and down our fourteen steps that bring us to our second floor apt., no landings until the top. I put ten minutes on the kitchen timer and started climbing, up and down, up and down. How easy is that, right? Just ten little minutes. By three minutes in I was checking the clock. My heart was pounding and my thighs are screaming. I managed one more minute.  

To sum up:
Day 1,
4 minutes of stairs.